Well, we are 4 days into not having an income. I am wrestling with how much to cut from our food purchases. We eat a lot of fresh food and organic food. Of course, this is the most expensive food. We do have a freezer full of food that will carry us for a while. I have already outlawed all junk food. That will help a little. I can think of little else that will help. My husband is a meat lover and would go nuts if I cut that out. I think he is in for a rude awakening. Beans and rice, here we come!

I found myself at Wal-Mart, a store I usually don't shop. I had gone to take some recycling to their parking lot bins. I went in because I needed a few things for a dish I promised to make for Zoe's school's teacher appreciation lunch (bad timing). Here I am struggling with all this emotional stress...wondering if we will be able to keep our house and so forth. Now I have to cook for other people. UGH! Anyway...as I was walking around, I thought, I am already the biggest cheapskate on the planet. How can I live any cheaper. The first way would be to change our eating habits. I ran the idea by my husband. He said, "we are not changing the way we eat!" I was happy to hear his commitment to our healthy habits, but couldn't help but worry.

The other thing I am struggling with is the need to medicate myself with "treats." I have been hitting the Easter candy pretty hard. Every time I am out driving, I want an iced coffee. I have this idea it will make me feel better. The first few days I was good and refrained. I came home and made a Chai Tea Latte instead or good old Aldi coffee and french vanilla creamer (no more creamer after this one is empty). Today, I had to go to my husbands former employer and pick up his dry cleaning. After I left, I couldn't resist the temptation to stop at McDonald's for a $2.27 cup of Carmel iced coffee. Why in the hell does food and drink make us feel good when we are stressed or angry etc.? I felt horrible driving around drinking this. I felt like I had to ditch the evidence before I got home. I didn't, but I was thinking I needed to cover up my purchase. I rationalized the purchase by saying to myself, "I used my birthday money! Money my mom and dad told me I had to spend on myself."

I feel like I am going crazy.